Matt Damon's Sex-Change

I never intended this blog to bring you the latest news in the world of show-biz gossip or amazing biological (or bio-illogical) feats and transformations. This is/was supposed to be a political blog. Come now, you know how serious this blog normally is!

And yet, I couldn't NOT share with you this amazing bit of astounding newsflash!

Yes, Matt Damon, the greatest actor of this and all generations (past, present and future) has become a woman!

Sorry, wrong picture. This isn't a woman, this is just Matt aged 11.
As a boy. 
Male. Not female.

Here's the new Damon!

Why this is, why he made this decision, that I couldn't tell you. All we have is speculation.

Did his love-affair with equally brilliant and talented Benny Afleck hit a rut because Benny decided he was more into women than men? Did Benjamin Afleck pressure his long-term concubine into switching teams? 

Or was this decision perhaps the result of a mutual agreement? If so, did they flip a coin as to which one will undergo penis-deduction surgery? If so, wouldn't that prove that Matt and Ben used to alternate as catcher and pitcher in their amorous sexscapades during their pre-heterosexual days? And if they were both acting as catcher and pitcher, won't their new sex-life be more boring as a result of Benny always being pitcher and Matty always being catcher?

Maddie seems to have no problems with completely abandoning pitching in favour of full-time catching. Because she was slightly impotent? Well, that's certainly another theory...

All you male perverts out there who are salivating at this photo right now, cursing me out for blocking out Damon's newly-built lady bits, need to understand that Google's nudity policy forced me to crop away Matt's generously built nips.

The cat's out of the bag!
Yes, that was a bit of a spoiler: his (new) nips truly are big, very big! Just how big? I guess you might never know...

... unless of course Matt one day splits up with his boyfriend Benny and you get to date her!

Or if Matt decides to do nude scenes in yet another amazing Tinseltown flick. Perhaps he'll be coerced into doing them by Harvey Weinstein?

That would certainly be poetic justice - at least according to Fascists! After all, Maddie justifiably defended Harvey during the exaggerated media frenzy surrounding Weiny's hugely overblown lady-molestation "scandal". That bloated non-event, totally fake-newsed by Fascist conservatives and their radical Republican neo-Nazi brethren, supposedly revealed (to us alleged "clueless Disney-bubble snowflakes") that Hollywood has always been a seedy dump run by smelly degenerates and sociopathic maniacs.
Such nonsense though!
Hollywood is was and always will be a place of equality and beauty - a true bastion of liberal propaganda for almost a century, a freedom-loving film-factory that rightfully blacklists Fascist swine, and is hence a home of love, unity, goodness, generosity and above all diversity. (Hollywood contains the entire political spectrum, running the gammoth from Marxist socialists all the way to communist anarchists to socialist communists.) All else is hateful neo-Nazi lies!

Imagine if Harvey hires Damiona for his next movie... and forces her into a good ol'-fashioned round of couch-casting. Wouldn't that be ironic.
Of course, I was just joking: couch-casting is a myth! Just like the "Jews run Hollywood" and "nepotism is king" are slanderous Fascist lies. (Jews only make up 95% of the studio execs and agents, and only 60% of directors/actors/screenwriters.)
Hollywood actresses are not cheap promiscuous whores. Repeat: not cheap leg-spreading sluts! Damiona and her sisters are artists! Yes, creative artists who parrot other people's dialog, which is why we have the Oscars: to prove their artistic merit, to celebrate their immense creativity in parroting other people's dialog. Learning other people's lines and then saying them in front of a camera... can you get any more brilliant?!

But before you start suspecting that I'm actually mocking a celebrity's decision to alter their sex (shame on you if you are... I mean shame on you if you are suspecting not if you're sex-changing your unisex), lemme just tell you how much I support every single thing that the Frankfurt School has been generously giving us since 1968! That school is awesome! So politically/socially/economically/climacticaly-changically/antartcically/greenlandactically/transsexually/pedophilically FLAWLESS! 

As many of you may already know, I am a huge fan of Cultural Marxism and the (chosen) people who run it!

In fact, I'm so incredibly PC, I make Greta Thunberg seem like Goebbels by comparison!

No, wait, stupid analogy... Gretard Turdberg does have a lot of similarities to Goebbels. But that's just a coincidence. Besides, she has all of his BEST traits.

(Why I suggest Goebbels had a good side? Haven't you idiots seen "Star Wars"?! Darth Vader was basically good! Because as we highly progressive intellectual leftists know, all people are born inherently good and kind, it's just that supposedly "evil" people such as Goebbels were lead astray and twisted by capitalism and feudalism, i.e. all genocidal homicidal maniacs are actually victims of society! 
Coz, you know, society an' all... it's always to be blamed for everything - despite the fact that society is made up 100% of good people! Yeah, I know it sounds like yet another blatant leftist contradiction, but trust me: people are all born good, and society is bad. Or at least it will be bad until we turn it into a blood-soaked peaceful Utopia, which is when society will suddenly and miraculously go from being the perpetual scapegoat to becoming puurfect!)

Hence I support Matty's decision 100%. In fact, all male pigs need to lop off their nasty male genitals. To be sexually ambiguous is anyway a sign of moral superiority, otherwise LGBTQP would never be the superior purveyors of perfect morality that we all know they are! 
As MTV has so thoroughly explained to us already numerous times during those amazing righteous carefully choreographed and scripted pop-star awards ceremonies, the sexes do not exist anyway. We are all ONE UNISEX. We are all equal. Except men: they are morally inferior to women. But aside from that we are all the EXACT same, both sexes are the same. Penises and vaginas? An illusion. Erections? Out-dated symbols of white male chauvinistic oppression, violence and evil. (Even though true evil doesn't exist - and yet it does.)

Oh, and capitalism, of course, too. Capitalism practically invented the penis! As Karl Our God Marx cleverly explains in his atheistic Red Bible, cavepeople were pure and good because there was no capitalism back then, no money, and most likely no penises either! It was a vagina society - pure and full of vulvic love! How did cavepeople mate without penises and their filthy fast-flying sperm, you ask? People multiplied through the sheer power of COSMIC LOVE which isn't physical, it's spiritual. That's how.
The real giver of life is the punani, a wonderful virtue-signaling cave full of goodness and warmth. Not the damn stinky penis. 
Girl power!

But... hang on! If the sexes don't exist and the penis/vagina dichotomy (I'm trying to sound smart, just like my lefty friends, the hipsters!) is just an illusion, then how the hell did Matty get a sex-change??? If there is only one sex - the unisex - then how did I even manage to notice a difference between the old Matt and the new Matty??? Aren't they exactly the same? How can you have a "sex-change" if there are no sexes to change from and to change into???

No, wait... I stand corrected: Ms Damon didn't get a sex-change; she/he/it merely... hm... how shall I put this in such a way as to not contradict myself again...

 Gimme a few minutes...

I got it!
Here's how it is... She/he/it aka Matty merely freed its female aura after realizing the oppressive, ugly nature of its yin-yangy male aura.

Yeah, that's it!!! Sexes of course don't exist, never have; we are all just one big yin-yangy ball of dualistic-yet-mono-genitalistic cosmic shivaness, and yet the male side of our buddhistic intra-sexual cluster-fuckery represents evil, whereas the female side defines all that is good and pure.

No, wait, that still contradicts the scientific fact that there is only one sex, the grand unisex...

Oh, who the hell cares! I am left-wing: self-contradictory illogic is part-and-parcel of our divine immaculate ideology! Being a Commie is all about emotion! Logic is for boring eggheads. Those pompous pseudo-intellectuals and their dumb stupid logic! Truth needs to be felt, not learned. Any idiot can learn, not everyone can feel. Except women: they all feel - and so perfectly! Women simply feel that Earth is undergoing huuuuuge climate change, and that's how we know that all of the ices are melting at a rate of 10,000,000 square miles per second!

Emotional science! This be where it's at, bro.

 The only thing we progressives do not like about Matt's unisex-change (i.e. unisex-non-change) is that he and Benny are no longer gay. They are now technically in a straight relationship which makes them far less politically correct hence less good as people and as humans and as liberals. We have successfully turned the word "heterosexual" into a bad word, not quite as filthy-sounding as "capitalism" - not yet - but just wait a few more years and people will be ashamed to admit they're straight! Little children in primary schools will be begging to be recognized as gay - and what teachers would dare refuse them this right?! Oh, what a great world awaits us!!! (IF we destroy capitalism hence stop the ice from melting...) 
And then it will only be a matter of time until kiddie-fiddlers will finally be allowed to fiddle around...! All hail LGBTQP!

So should Benny get a unisex-non-change too? Because if he does get his tiny pecker lopped off, then they will both be gay again: lesbians to be precise! But far more importantly, if Benny gets his remaining testicle removed and his penis flattened into a vadge, they would both be cleansed of the vile erectile object dangling between their legs since birth. A win-win situation!

Speaking of which, one day all men will be castrated and genitaliacally decapitated! (Genitapitated - as we creators of the oncoming New World Green Gay Order prefer to call it.) They won't be given a choice! Such is the blissful freedom-loving future under LGBTQP-Marxist utopian rule...